Why am I still obsessed, its driving me crazy!!?
Question by : Why am I still obsessed, its driving me crazy!!?
I broke up with my ex nearly 3 years ago. It was a pretty bad break up I’d be willing to bet it was the worst ever. We had been together for 3 years and were living together. We had this HUGE fight one night and he didn’t come home. I couldn’t get in contact with him and two days later he told me he had moved to Sydney and could I send his stuff up (we lived in Melbourne). So we broke up and I was hurt but I know he wasn’t a good guy so I was trying to get over it. Then a couple of weeks later I got collection letters from Vodafone and the bank, he had run up debt in my name up to nearly $ 6000. Then I found out that he had been cheating on me and was planning to move back to Melbourne to live with this girl. I have since paid off the loan as there was nothing the police could do about, there was no point going to court because I know he doesn’t have the money and I would just end up spending up to $ 1000 for the court to say yes he owe you this money but he has no money so there for can’t pay you.
So now nearly 3 years later I am engaged to the most woulderful man I have ever met who spoils me, buys me presents all the time and takes me on romantic holidays. I am happier than I have ever been. The only thing is I am obsessed in knowing what my ex is doing. He never changed his email passwords so I constantly check his mail. It’s not because I want him back, because the thought of him touching me makes me want to puke. He married this other girl and they have a child. I also know there are in a really bad financial struggle and that makes me really happy. I find that I am in a really good mood when I can see another final demand in his email. I hate this feeling but I don’t know how to get over it.
My partner doesn’t know I do this and I feel I am being unfaithful to him by doing this. I know I am over my ex I am just not over what he did to me. I feel like I had no closure that he just got away with it. Has anyone else been in this situation who can give me some advice on how to put this all behind me…..sorry it’s so long
Best answer:
Answer by Bobby Brady
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see justice served. He robbed you and betrayed your trust. It would be strange if that DIDN’T bother you.
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Actually I understand your point. However, you NEED to stop with all of this. Stalking him wouldn’t do you any good. Try to delete EVERYTHING, e-mails, messages, photos, passwords or anything else related to him. If you want to move on and live happily, erase him out of your life. Don’t let him still hurt you after all he did! Don’t wait for a closure he has to do, but make your own.
Good Luck!
I’m going through this right now actually, only my relationship started in 9th grade. Not a lot of people believe a 9th grade girl could actually be in love but I don’t know how else to explain it.
We were together for 3 years, too. He cheated on me without me knowing, lied to me about things he was doing behind my back (pot, drinking, “gang” related things, stealing, ect.) I’m not even sure why he would do that stuff… but after an off and on relationship once I found out about some of those things we finally broke up for real and he’s still getting to me… I know I’m the one in control about how he makes me feel but I can’t help it. I always check his facebook, ask friends about him, and text him even though I’m in another relationship now with a boy who I’m completely happy with. Totally opposite of how I was before with the other guy. I would NEVER take him back but like you said, I’m not over what he did to me.
I feel happy when I know he’s hurting too… it’s wrong, but I can’t help it either.
My advice to you is what I’m trying to do myself. Just don’t get on his emails anymore, think about only the guy you’re with, and do things to occupy your mind and time. It’s helping me, slowly, but it’s working. I haven’t thought about him all day until I read your question. lol I’m 18, out on my own with the guy I’m engaged to now, paying bills and trying to stay stress free. As long as I find something to help my nagging obsession with always trying to find out what he’s doing then it’s not really a problem anymore. I hope this helped somehow.
I think that it’s funny how you check his e-mail. He screwed you over it is perfectly fine for you to be happy that he is going through a hard time, be happy you’re in a great relationship now.